At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We're too hungover to prance.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
