On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We just shotgunned beers for America
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
