Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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