wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
