how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
