I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
