Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
