When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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