That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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