If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
