it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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