grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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