I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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