i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
