Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
