I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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