My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
