Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
