when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
