He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
