I have demons in me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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