so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
