how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
