The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
