So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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