saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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