I accidentally burped into my bong.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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