sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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