my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
