dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
