I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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