Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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