I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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