4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
