so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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