I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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