I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
