dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
