I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
