he was CRYING into my vagina
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
