there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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