I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Even my vagina gasped.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
