Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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