This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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