You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
