I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
