I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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