I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
