I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
