he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
